Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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