I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize