Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
