You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
