i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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