grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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