i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
