$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
