We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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