laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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