He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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