Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My liver just had a heart attack.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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