I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
