my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
