i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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