I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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