That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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