Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
