are you still at the devil's house?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
