This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
