I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She told me I should be a condom model.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
