My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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