in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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