ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
