Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
