K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
