You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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