I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
