Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
