Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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