i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
