**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
