'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
