when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just pynch a tree in the face
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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