Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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