Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
