Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
