please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
