you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
