Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
