She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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