He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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