he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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