Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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