How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
