Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Drake has all the answers
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
