btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
