Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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