i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
