I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
