New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I touched a dick in church today
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
