I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
