OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
