i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
