Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
