She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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