i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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