I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
