Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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