Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
