weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
