Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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