They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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