He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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