Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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