We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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