Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
