So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
