i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
