How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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