i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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