Operation Purity has been aborted
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
