Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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