Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
