Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
