Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
