i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
